Sankalpa

This holiday season was a really special and unique one for me.  My husband and I got married in October and we spent our first Christmas together this year, just the two of us.  We had the opportunity to spend time with friends and a theme seemed to come up: closure and starting something new or renewing something old.  There was some talk of New Year's resolutions and even dinner toasts with the theme of thankfulness and gratitude.  There was also a sense of uncertainty, not knowing, transition and a desire to keep progressing, growing and learning and maybe even feelings of both joy and fear.  In conversations with friends, I realized how hard we are on ourselves--putting pressure on ourselves to achieve certain goals or progress to somewhere else.  And then, when we don't get there, we are left feeling disappointed.  There is a delicate balance between working hard and pushing yourself and just being grateful for what you have, where you are and who you are in this very moment.  Even if you happen to be really pissed off or sad.  I'm working on figuring this out and have decided that I'm never going to figure it out.  Figuring it out probably isn't the point.

With long conversations with friends on my mind and holiday warmth still sitting in my belly, this time of year brings to mind the yogic practice of sankalpa.  A sankalpa is a yogic philosophy or practice that means resolve.  This philosophy withholds that you are already are all that you need to be.  Wow, what a relief.  No, seriously, couldn't we all use this reassurance?  I know this is extremely challenging for me to hold onto--that I already am everything I need to be.  As Kelly McGonigal states in "Inspired Intention: The Nature of Sankalpa,"  to develop a sankalpa "all you need to do is focus your mind, connect to your most heartfelt desires and channel the divine energy within" (Yoga International).  Ms. McGonigal's article is really informative and inspiring; however, I find that focusing my mind and connecting to my heartfelt desires, let alone figuring out what those are is extremely challenging.  I feel like my heartfelt desires are in constant flux, to be perfectly honest.  But I love the idea of suspending disbelief, self criticism and even expectations to get to the heart of who we are.  A sankalpa practice can allow us to refrain from second guessing ourselves and simply believe that we deserve happiness, fulfillment and peace.

Ms. McGonigal states that a sankalpa can take two forms.  One is called " the heartfelt desire,  [which] is a statement that reflects your true nature" (45).  For example, I am at peace, or I am an intuitive and creative person.  A sankalpa can also be a specific goal or intention, which will help you to achieve small milestones that lead towards your heartfelt desires.

So, how do we figure out what our heartfelt desires are.  I'm not really sure myself.  I know that movement helps me, trying to be patient, kind and forgiving is also helpful.  Having faith in oneself and confidence also seems imperative, but all of these things are elusive.  Just because they are elusive does not mean that we don't have these qualities within us.  We are complicated--emotions, situations, experiences, etc. bring us a variety of challenges.  It's okay to be mad, get discouraged, be uncertain, but in those times, maybe we can all remember that we already are all that we need to be.  Even if we're not exactly where we want to be in life--perhaps there is a reason for us to be where we are right now, this very moment.  What if?  Right away, my mind goes to, well, no, there's no way I'm supposed to be doing this because of blah blah blah.  I am trying to work on asking those thoughts to just chill out for a moment so that I might be open to the space I am in at this very moment.  This acknowledgement can't really hurt me.  It actually can only help make me feel more at peace and perhaps open up new doors to new experiences and opportunities.

I am truly grateful that I have opportunity, experiences, family, friendship.

Radiance Sutra 88

        88

bhrantva bhrantva sharirena

tva ritam bhuvi patant

kshobha shakti viraamena

para sanjayate dasha 

Wander and wander to the point of exhaustion,

Whirl until you lose all control,

Dance until you are ready to drop.

Then Drop!

Fall to the earth. Surrender to the swirl of sensations

Surging through your form.

Dissolve in awe as arising energies 

Continue to dance in your inner world.

Beyond motion and commotion,

Become the body of ecstasy.

Read this today in my yoga class. It seemed appropriate as I was hearing my friends and myself talk about how tiring the holidays can be. We decided that the exhaustion typically comes from trying to be and make everything just so perfect. Here's to falling to the earth and surrendering. Beyond motion and commotion! LOVE IT!

My inner monologue today "Keep practicing, keep practicing, keep practicing. Laugh a bit more and take yourslef less seriously."  

Or as John Friend said in a workshop this summer "Be seriously joyful!"

Shanti!